Hey pal, I'm not dead (yet)! ;)
Busy days here, still thinking of changing job, but i'm alive anyway. Life in here is so stressful and I definitely want to escape. But what I realized is my lack of capability. Should learn a lot, should grow power to stop doing something whenever I want to.. For now I do not have such a power so I should keep my fire in.
Montreal! The plan is the only thing which make me excited. Cheer up Jay! You really want to find some motivation in there; to do that you should be in there in the end of June! ;)
2010년 5월 6일 목요일
2010년 4월 25일 일요일
Apr 25 2010
Actually I'm tired of all of these things
Will it be all right if I end up all of these things by myself?
Tired of being useless and lonely
Pal, you said the right thing last night but that was not what I wanted to hear; it was a little too harsh for someone who already had no faith in oneself.
This morning I start to thinking of killing myself, for the third time of my life.
2010년 4월 13일 화요일
Apr 12 2010
In the far Eastern culture there is an old saying:"A master calligrapher never blames his brush." This time I would modify it a bit. "A master-wannabe photographer never blames her camera; she just run her Photoshop."
When I came back to normal life from a couple of busiest weeks spring has already come to me with the gorgeous cherry blossoms. Last saturday, I had to go to office as usual and this photo was taken at that time. I only had a cell phone camera but surprisingly, I am satisfied with this pic. The photo was a bit dark so I modified the level and the color balance but those were all I did on this pic. Well, the flowers are just beautiful as they are, so is there any need to do more? ;)
When I came back to normal life from a couple of busiest weeks spring has already come to me with the gorgeous cherry blossoms. Last saturday, I had to go to office as usual and this photo was taken at that time. I only had a cell phone camera but surprisingly, I am satisfied with this pic. The photo was a bit dark so I modified the level and the color balance but those were all I did on this pic. Well, the flowers are just beautiful as they are, so is there any need to do more? ;)
2010년 3월 27일 토요일
Mar 26 2010
Long time no see!
Went to see a gynecologist yesterday for an annual check. This was the first time for me to go to a local clinic and there were several differences between the clinic and the hospital I've got my surgery. One thing which made me surprised was an ultrasonic monitor for patient in the examine room. In local clinics obstetrics and gynecology are dealt in the same room. Of course almost every gynecologist is also an obstetrician so this is not weird but in the general hospitals they have separate examine rooms. In gynecologic situations patients usually do not eager to see their inner space unlike pregnant women so there was no monitor for patient. But yesterday during the ultrasounds I could see the monitor myself and my doctor kindly explained where my left ovary and uterus are. It was a kind of odd moment. Anyway the doctor said it was O.K. even though I am still waiting for the result of marker test. Based on the other results the possibility is extremely low but just in case.
Went to see a gynecologist yesterday for an annual check. This was the first time for me to go to a local clinic and there were several differences between the clinic and the hospital I've got my surgery. One thing which made me surprised was an ultrasonic monitor for patient in the examine room. In local clinics obstetrics and gynecology are dealt in the same room. Of course almost every gynecologist is also an obstetrician so this is not weird but in the general hospitals they have separate examine rooms. In gynecologic situations patients usually do not eager to see their inner space unlike pregnant women so there was no monitor for patient. But yesterday during the ultrasounds I could see the monitor myself and my doctor kindly explained where my left ovary and uterus are. It was a kind of odd moment. Anyway the doctor said it was O.K. even though I am still waiting for the result of marker test. Based on the other results the possibility is extremely low but just in case.
2010년 3월 8일 월요일
Mar 7 2010
Had a nice lunch with MJ and R. My main dish was carbonara and was a little too heavy for me. (Too classic!) But enjoyable. I'm not so picky in my dishes. While eating desert we made a short trip plan for the next weekend. D decided to join but he seemed to be dissapointed somehow. I know the reason but this time I'd prefer to go on a journey (or shopping maybe? :P) with MJ and others. D's time will come... well he would be angry if he actually read(or hear) this.
Time to go back to the equations. Good night-have a nice dream, which is not allowed for me.
2010년 3월 5일 금요일
Mar 5 2010
Wanted to get up early but I knew that it was nearly impossible. lol But i'm half satisfied since I finished my laundry last night! :D
Falling in love with green eye shadow these days. and coral pink lipstick. Spring mood maybe? Bought some items from road-shop brands and a big one-lancome's glossy lipstick. Loved it! Of course it's a little expensive when compared with my average consumption but the color was way to beautiful so I cannot help it. So green eye+pink cheek+coral lips=perfect for greeting a new spring!
watched full coverage of Olympics opening and closing ceremonies. Alanis Morissette and k.d. lang are my new favs! It's really cool to find great musicians through non-musical events like Olympics. Well the fact is that I'm mostly addicted to Rubinstein's playing Chopin concerto in last couple of weeks.
Busy days seems to be never finished. I still have another appointment with my client this afternoon. need a short nap before heading to tiring meeting.... seeya :)
2010년 2월 22일 월요일
Feb 22 2010
It's only Monday but I'm so exhausted... Slept late(almost 5AM?), watched Olympics, did lots of works , etc. Tomorrow will be even harder. Here are my schedules for tomorrow :
PM 12:00 project A mid-report ppt submission deadline
PM 2:00 meeting, project A mid-report
PM 3:00 meeting, project B
PM 4:00 seminar, project B related issues and dinner appointment with counterparts
PM 6:00 project C poster presentation submission deadline
What the... Am I really a grad? lol
Just started the mid-report so should work overnight. Then 2 meetings, 1 seminar and dinner appointment in a day? Oh plz......... Already dosed up 1 liter of coke zero and a cup of coffee but still sleepy. And the coffee was terrible! TERRIBLE! I refuse to call it as "coffee"!
Ordered fried chicken for a night snack. Should make more than 2 pages before the delivery call. Oh I really wanted to eat healthy food only.. too hard for a person who should do all those things in next 24 hours.
Still depressed. Generally I'm a moody person but in this month I'm fully and continuously depressed. Maybe it's time to meet a psychologist for the first time in my life. But you know what? I have no time. I am not even able to make an appointment with my gynecologist for an annual check. Well... BTW where did I put my post-surgery report? Cannot remember exactly. In my room, maybe? Oh please, it should be there. I do not want to make another personal task in this situation.
Should go and resume working. I'm not sure if there is anyone who read this but good night to you all anyway! Have a nice sleep-that's what I definitely need for now. My only hope? go to bed before sunrise.
PM 12:00 project A mid-report ppt submission deadline
PM 2:00 meeting, project A mid-report
PM 3:00 meeting, project B
PM 4:00 seminar, project B related issues and dinner appointment with counterparts
PM 6:00 project C poster presentation submission deadline
What the... Am I really a grad? lol
Just started the mid-report so should work overnight. Then 2 meetings, 1 seminar and dinner appointment in a day? Oh plz......... Already dosed up 1 liter of coke zero and a cup of coffee but still sleepy. And the coffee was terrible! TERRIBLE! I refuse to call it as "coffee"!
Ordered fried chicken for a night snack. Should make more than 2 pages before the delivery call. Oh I really wanted to eat healthy food only.. too hard for a person who should do all those things in next 24 hours.
Still depressed. Generally I'm a moody person but in this month I'm fully and continuously depressed. Maybe it's time to meet a psychologist for the first time in my life. But you know what? I have no time. I am not even able to make an appointment with my gynecologist for an annual check. Well... BTW where did I put my post-surgery report? Cannot remember exactly. In my room, maybe? Oh please, it should be there. I do not want to make another personal task in this situation.
Should go and resume working. I'm not sure if there is anyone who read this but good night to you all anyway! Have a nice sleep-that's what I definitely need for now. My only hope? go to bed before sunrise.
2010년 2월 8일 월요일
Feb 8 2010
have no idea; what happened to me this morning? Until last night I was OK but when I got up this morning I felt terrible; so depressed. Every little thing annoyed me throughout the day (and still annoying!) and want to eat continuously even though I'm full. After having a vanilla icecream I was a bit relaxed but still not in a good mood. As I said before I should lose some weight this week but it seems to be impossible based on my current situation. Maybe it's because i'm too stressful after configurating next couple of months schedules and realizing there are so many things to do which seems that I might not be able to handle all of those properly? I didn't know that I'm so vulnerable to work stress.
2010년 2월 5일 금요일
Feb 5 2010
Went to a bookstore at Wednesday evening even though it was deadly cold. Bought an economics book, a fiction and Japanese fashion magazine. Couple of days ago I made a goal for myself : If I want to start a new book in Korean, I should finish an English book before that. The fiction was for that rule. Up in the Air.. had heard of the motion picture of the same title which will be released soon. Must be based on the novel.
Back to Pohang yesterday - much warmer than seoul. After finishing some urgent tasks met a friend and had seasoned chicken for our late-night snack(she paid thanks MJ), while talking of coming spring's shopping lists and how to use basic eyeshadow effectively. In the magazine found some items so now time to search the semi-infinite web stores!
Couldn't sleep until 4AM because my stomach was full. Meanwhile read a few pages and made some plans for this year. I know it's a bit late for make a new year's plan but it is also necessary for me now. Here goes a list of keywords for my plans.
Get up early
Do some works
Study something
Read something
Use money for myself
Should lose some weights before the next week's holiday and family meet-up in next weekend. A day's fasting would be helpful but... Start to doubt myself. :P Anyway worth to try!
Back to Pohang yesterday - much warmer than seoul. After finishing some urgent tasks met a friend and had seasoned chicken for our late-night snack(she paid thanks MJ), while talking of coming spring's shopping lists and how to use basic eyeshadow effectively. In the magazine found some items so now time to search the semi-infinite web stores!
Couldn't sleep until 4AM because my stomach was full. Meanwhile read a few pages and made some plans for this year. I know it's a bit late for make a new year's plan but it is also necessary for me now. Here goes a list of keywords for my plans.
Get up early
Do some works
Study something
Read something
Use money for myself
Should lose some weights before the next week's holiday and family meet-up in next weekend. A day's fasting would be helpful but... Start to doubt myself. :P Anyway worth to try!
2010년 2월 3일 수요일
Feb 3 2010
Sleepy! :Pi
Met Eun-Ji last night and went to Thai restaurant. Rice noodle was good but egg noodle was so-so. After dinner went to a cafe; she chose a white chocolate cafe latte and I had straight black tea. My principle is not to order straight tea in any cafe because generally I can stiff better for myself but I have no other choice yesterday-My stomach was full, I did not want any milk-ingredient, and of course did not want to have any iced drink. Anyway It was OK with the aid of cold weather.
This turned out to be a problem later. Really needed a good sleep since yesterday's training session was severe. Went to bed at midnight but couldn't sleep till 2AM. In general I fall into sleep in 15 minutes from but yesterday was totally different. The reason of temporal insomnia must be a caffeine overdose happened in yesterday. In the morning I bought an extra-shot grande cafe latte as I posted yesterday and it includes 4-shots of espresso. Then one more huge cup of black tea-definitely exceeded my caffeine quota. So this morning I ordered only a tall-size latte(of course with an extra shot!) in Starbucks but it was too milky; double extra shots should be better. Yes I know I would want to commit the same mistake again :P
Need to buy a new book for tomorrow. If it's not so cold when the session is over, will head to the nearest bookstore. :D
Met Eun-Ji last night and went to Thai restaurant. Rice noodle was good but egg noodle was so-so. After dinner went to a cafe; she chose a white chocolate cafe latte and I had straight black tea. My principle is not to order straight tea in any cafe because generally I can stiff better for myself but I have no other choice yesterday-My stomach was full, I did not want any milk-ingredient, and of course did not want to have any iced drink. Anyway It was OK with the aid of cold weather.
This turned out to be a problem later. Really needed a good sleep since yesterday's training session was severe. Went to bed at midnight but couldn't sleep till 2AM. In general I fall into sleep in 15 minutes from but yesterday was totally different. The reason of temporal insomnia must be a caffeine overdose happened in yesterday. In the morning I bought an extra-shot grande cafe latte as I posted yesterday and it includes 4-shots of espresso. Then one more huge cup of black tea-definitely exceeded my caffeine quota. So this morning I ordered only a tall-size latte(of course with an extra shot!) in Starbucks but it was too milky; double extra shots should be better. Yes I know I would want to commit the same mistake again :P
Need to buy a new book for tomorrow. If it's not so cold when the session is over, will head to the nearest bookstore. :D
2010년 2월 2일 화요일
Feb 2 2010
Now in Seoul-staying at my parents' house. Second day of the training session. One of the hardest things is to arrive at class before 9:30 AM since it's far from home... Spent more than 1 hour stuck in a rush hour. Full of busy people everywhere; not a familiar scene for a grad dwelling in a small suburban college.
Learning how to use a modeling solution. Things like this always make me so excited. I'm definitely a kind of a person who loves to figure out structures and mechanisms of various aspects of the world.
Failed to finish the book so brought it here. Read some more yesterday; now only one chapter remained. Should write some summaries after reading. Every chapter has a title in a questionnaire form so answering myself to the questions would be perfect as summaries. A fast conclusion of the book? - Schrodinger's theory suits well for everything including People's mind.
Having kept overeating for several days-stomach condition is not so good. Adding extra shot-grande size no sugar cafe latte make things definitely worse. Should skip lunch-free lunch!
Learning how to use a modeling solution. Things like this always make me so excited. I'm definitely a kind of a person who loves to figure out structures and mechanisms of various aspects of the world.
Failed to finish the book so brought it here. Read some more yesterday; now only one chapter remained. Should write some summaries after reading. Every chapter has a title in a questionnaire form so answering myself to the questions would be perfect as summaries. A fast conclusion of the book? - Schrodinger's theory suits well for everything including People's mind.
Having kept overeating for several days-stomach condition is not so good. Adding extra shot-grande size no sugar cafe latte make things definitely worse. Should skip lunch-free lunch!
2010년 1월 30일 토요일
Jan 29 2010
Bought 24 spakling water cans. Love it!
Going to seoul for a training session and decided to bring an unread book and finish it while staying 3 days' in Seoul. It means that I should finish what I'm reading now tomorrow. About 100 pages left. I can finish it actually-I'm a kind of fast reader- but the problem is that it took 1 months to read first 180 page of this book. Interesting topic but not so easy. Anyway worth to try IMO.
Only 3 weeks left before the Olympics... Should start some kinds of prayer for my Favs. Canadian skaters, Yuna, Delobel/Scheonfelder, etc.
Oh extremely sleepy. Cannot hold my eyelids open! Should go to bed..... bye for now!
2010년 1월 29일 금요일
Jan 28 2010
Full of junks and meats today!
Desperately needed a cheese burger last night, so allowed me having a double cheese bacon at the Burger King. Definitely junk but loved it! Well, next time I'll stick on to the extra onion jr. Whopper though....
Had dinner with some of my coworkers and we had the boiled pork and pork hocks dishes. Pork hocks were great! full of collagens which should help me keeping my skins smooth. :) And it's relatively cheap. Only 10 thousand won per person and the amount of the food were enough to feed the member of 5.
For my night snack I had a low-fat sugar-free yogurt. Only 60 kcal and it's delicious. Seems perfect for the night and it was actually the most healty food I've had today.
Now I'm writing this while having a cold bottled green tea and some green olive.
Learned a new word today.
"Spatiotemporal"
Now I'm moving back to work from the vacation moods, step by step. Tomorrow I should finish reading an article :) and this weekend is reserved for the coding! :D
Go jay! :)
2010년 1월 27일 수요일
Jan 26 2010
January 26, 2010 (Tue)
Green olive and icy cold beer = a perfect gift for a lonely night.
I love olives! black or green, the color doesnt matter. My favorite pizza is extra cheese pizza topped with olives and onions only. I always order extra olives in my pasta when dining at my favorite italian bistro. Salmon salad with chopped onions, black olives and simple oil-vinegar dressing would be just PERFECT!
Do not like stuffed orange peels in this tesco olives though.
Finished resizing most of the photos from Canada. Still have a bunch from four day's practices. I should finish some works before going a short-term training sessions so practice photos will be - should be, actually - resized after this week.
D is planning to come here at saturday evening and wants to share some time with me. I just want to stay at my office till late night, finish my works and prepare next week's training. But I feel so sorry for him so I cannot say a word. I totally understand his thoughts. It would be great if it were not for this weekend. Oh what should I do? Do not want to make him annoyed but... it makes me annoyed. blah.
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