Feb 22 2010

It's only Monday but I'm so exhausted... Slept late(almost 5AM?), watched Olympics, did lots of works , etc. Tomorrow will be even harder. Here are my schedules for tomorrow :

PM 12:00 project A mid-report ppt submission deadline
PM 2:00 meeting, project A mid-report
PM 3:00 meeting, project B
PM 4:00 seminar, project B related issues and dinner appointment with counterparts
PM 6:00 project C poster presentation submission deadline

What the... Am I really a grad? lol

Just started the mid-report so should work overnight. Then 2 meetings, 1 seminar and dinner appointment in a day? Oh plz......... Already dosed up 1 liter of coke zero and a cup of coffee but still sleepy. And the coffee was terrible! TERRIBLE! I refuse to call it as "coffee"!
Ordered fried chicken for a night snack. Should make more than 2 pages before the delivery call. Oh I really wanted to eat healthy food only.. too hard for a person who should do all those things in next 24 hours.

Still depressed. Generally I'm a moody person but in this month I'm fully and continuously depressed. Maybe it's time to meet a psychologist for the first time in my life. But you know what? I have no time. I am not even able to make an appointment with my gynecologist for an annual check. Well... BTW where did I put my post-surgery report? Cannot remember exactly. In my room, maybe? Oh please, it should be there. I do not want to make another personal task in this situation.

Should go and resume working. I'm not sure if there is anyone who read this but good night to you all anyway! Have a nice sleep-that's what I definitely need for now. My only hope? go to bed before sunrise.

Keep your mouth shut and do what you have/want to do

This is what I want to say to someone you probably know who he is and also to myself.
Silence is good-that's what I've heard from my elders since my childhood. As a kid from Asian culture I was not allowed to express my natural feelings, my true mind easily even if I was depressed or feeling unfair. That was the rule. That was the virtue. Of course, I didn't follow their advise: I was kinda a noisy kid until my late teens and my social image was not so good on the frames of my society IMO. And it was totally different with the real myself! I was known as an arrogant and careless girl but I was not. Maybe I was a bit arrogant but I was way too careful, annoyed by everything. People thought that I loved to communicate with others but it was not true. Making a new relationship was always so hard for me and keeping the relation? Oh, that was worse.
After having a couple of difficult years I realized that I should shut up at least in front of unfamiliar ones. It's not easy of course and I still make some mistakes like speaking too loud or butting in unnecessary situations, making things worse.
In the case of him I think there should be more care and silence. He's a kind of public figure-a world class athlete- and there are lots of relationships cannot be controlled by solely himself, especially the media. While showing good results it is OK but if he has a poor performance then the attacks would be so harsh. When dealing with media it is better to keep silent if you are not able to make a proper answer and it is extremely difficult-actually almost impossible-to make a flawless statement since they always eager to fine some wrongness which will increase the number of their subscriber, viewer, click, whatever. Basically they do not consider the reputations or feelings of the interviewee. That's the rule in media society, IMO. And their influences are phenomenal ; scars from media attacks cannot be cured by any means. The only way of being free from previous scratches is covering them with brand-new glories and it is really a labored work for sure.
So sometimes people need to shut their mouth and do what they want to do even though it would be considered a bit dull or timid. To prevent severe damage to one's social image and one's mind itself. Keep silent until making overwhelming results-that's what I always try to do but it's nearly impossible since I do not have enough abilities to make surprising ones. But he can do that for sure and that's why I want to say the title of this post to him. Personally I do not care what he says since I'm a fan of his performance, not his words or his behaviors. But it makes me so sad that he is considered to be a jerk. He surely deserves more respects as a talented athlete and it would be easier to get if he pays some attention to his words toward media.

Present, pleasant

I'm a kind of person who do not give gifts away often. I'm always short of money because I get small income as a grad. and it is usually not enough to fulfill my needs since I always find for something new and the search requires much money. I prefer using my money for myself even though it should seem to be a bit selfish.

So when I decide to give a present to someone I become really concerned. It's not a trivial event for me and I want to make it perfect. More specifically, I hope my gift would be a really needed and useful one for my recipient and try my best in deciding an item. The most delightful moment for me as a doner is not when I hear thanks from my pal for the gift, but when I witness he or she uses the thing in his/her everyday life. It makes me relived and growing my intention of giving another gift despite of lack of money and stressful selection procedures I should overcome.

I gave some gifts to my favorite athelete and he gave me some pleasant messages without notice. He's a pleasant guy in his late teens; after a couple of mis-selections (like ties and clothes) I came back to my rule-give someone what he needs. Luckiliy I have lots of friends addicted in technologies and machines and they surely share some similarities with my fav. (Boys!) So I tried IPod, which I was sure of being first-rated gift for my friends, and it worked- he appreciated it (of course) and actually used it! It made me happy; I felt that finally I did something helpful for him. :P That was the first message I've got.

Fully satisfied, I had no intention of giving another gift until last autumn. Then lots of negative things had happen to him and he was surely in a hard situation with lots of pressure. I deadly hoped him just enjoy the big event even though it would be so hard, nearly impossible. I wanted to send him a message-"enjoy every second of the game and your life. Everything will become a lifelong memory and wish you have lots of good ones". There was an item which I thought suited perfectly for that. A camera.

A camera has another special meaning for me in following him as a fan. I started taking photos because I wanted to get some good photos of him by myself. Now he's not the main reason of me taking sports photography;I concentrate more on the sports itself. But he, his sports and the camera things entirely changed my life and I owe them a lot since they have given me a power of enduring extremely dull life of a grad. His(and other athletes') photos provided me such nice memories and I wanted to give him the same feelings.

Even though I decided to give a digital camera to him and bought it I was not sure of giving him it until the last minutes. There are lots of reasons but the main reason was that I also needed a digital camera and the one I bought was actually good and fitted perfect for my needs. I was also so worried especially whether he already had his own. But anyway I gave him the present hoping he successfully captures my words in it. I have no idea of his response but he seems to use that anyway. That's the second message and probably the last one, which made me so excited and skipping all over the office. Now what I hope is his having great moments at the event and keeping the memories with my present(probably). If he is willing to share some photos with his fans like me it would be greater. Especially some photos from Hockey final!(and curling final, as a beginner curling fan:D)

Feb 8 2010

have no idea; what happened to me this morning? Until last night I was OK but when I got up this morning I felt terrible; so depressed. Every little thing annoyed me throughout the day (and still annoying!) and want to eat continuously even though I'm full. After having a vanilla icecream I was a bit relaxed but still not in a good mood. As I said before I should lose some weight this week but it seems to be impossible based on my current situation. Maybe it's because i'm too stressful after configurating next couple of months schedules and realizing there are so many things to do which seems that I might not be able to handle all of those properly? I didn't know that I'm so vulnerable to work stress.

Feb 5 2010

Went to a bookstore at Wednesday evening even though it was deadly cold. Bought an economics book, a fiction and Japanese fashion magazine. Couple of days ago I made a goal for myself : If I want to start a new book in Korean, I should finish an English book before that. The fiction was for that rule. Up in the Air.. had heard of the motion picture of the same title which will be released soon. Must be based on the novel.
Back to Pohang yesterday - much warmer than seoul. After finishing some urgent tasks met a friend and had seasoned chicken for our late-night snack(she paid thanks MJ), while talking of coming spring's shopping lists and how to use basic eyeshadow effectively. In the magazine found some items so now time to search the semi-infinite web stores!
Couldn't sleep until 4AM because my stomach was full. Meanwhile read a few pages and made some plans for this year. I know it's a bit late for make a new year's plan but it is also necessary for me now. Here goes a list of keywords for my plans.

Get up early
Do some works
Study something
Read something
Use money for myself

Should lose some weights before the next week's holiday and family meet-up in next weekend. A day's fasting would be helpful but... Start to doubt myself. :P Anyway worth to try!

Feb 3 2010

Sleepy! :Pi

Met Eun-Ji last night and went to Thai restaurant. Rice noodle was good but egg noodle was so-so. After dinner went to a cafe; she chose a white chocolate cafe latte and I had straight black tea. My principle is not to order straight tea in any cafe because generally I can stiff better for myself but I have no other choice yesterday-My stomach was full, I did not want any milk-ingredient, and of course did not want to have any iced drink. Anyway It was OK with the aid of cold weather.
This turned out to be a problem later. Really needed a good sleep since yesterday's training session was severe. Went to bed at midnight but couldn't sleep till 2AM. In general I fall into sleep in 15 minutes from but yesterday was totally different. The reason of temporal insomnia must be a caffeine overdose happened in yesterday. In the morning I bought an extra-shot grande cafe latte as I posted yesterday and it includes 4-shots of espresso. Then one more huge cup of black tea-definitely exceeded my caffeine quota. So this morning I ordered only a tall-size latte(of course with an extra shot!) in Starbucks but it was too milky; double extra shots should be better. Yes I know I would want to commit the same mistake again :P
Need to buy a new book for tomorrow. If it's not so cold when the session is over, will head to the nearest bookstore. :D

Feb 2 2010

Now in Seoul-staying at my parents' house. Second day of the training session. One of the hardest things is to arrive at class before 9:30 AM since it's far from home... Spent more than 1 hour stuck in a rush hour. Full of busy people everywhere; not a familiar scene for a grad dwelling in a small suburban college.
Learning how to use a modeling solution. Things like this always make me so excited. I'm definitely a kind of a person who loves to figure out structures and mechanisms of various aspects of the world.
Failed to finish the book so brought it here. Read some more yesterday; now only one chapter remained. Should write some summaries after reading. Every chapter has a title in a questionnaire form so answering myself to the questions would be perfect as summaries. A fast conclusion of the book? - Schrodinger's theory suits well for everything including People's mind.

Having kept overeating for several days-stomach condition is not so good. Adding extra shot-grande size no sugar cafe latte make things definitely worse. Should skip lunch-free lunch!